What is Assertiveness Training?
Sue is at it again! Last weekend, she spoke demeaning way about Dave amidst other friends. Dave isn’t taking it likely this time- it is not only unbecoming of Sue. He lets her know how humiliating he feels. How easy can that be for a dispute to start?
Individuals in different settings and age brackets are found in similar situations. This time, not a friend, maybe your boss, a colleague, your spouse or some random person. Might even be a clash with you, something you feel but cannot explain.
You just do not know what to do. Do you talk, fight back, or just pretend like nothing happened? Uhn? That last option doesn’t seem to help. Is ti better to speak out than hurt in silence? How then do you communicate your feelings confidently without sounding rude or hurt? This is where assertiveness can be of a great help.
Somewhere between passiveness and aggressiveness is the subtle line of being assertive. More often than not, being assertive is confused with being aggressive. This is because, being assertive can sound demanding.
While an individual with assertive behaviors considers the rights of others in his quest for his wants and/or needs, the aggressive individual seeks his own interest regardless of how/what others feel.
Aggression can be a selfish use of power or a defensive reaction. This act is such as with bosses, who give out orders without considering the schedule of their subordinates. Not only do they give out orders selfishly and inappropriately, they also seem too demanding.
Back to Dave and Sue- Perhaps, Dave talks to Sue, tells of how much he values their friendship and how he desires longer and better years in their relationship. By saying their friendship will improve, if only they both can identify each other’s needs, and try not to be introspective to the point of hurting each others feelings.
Of course! Dave is hitting the assertive spot (firm yet fair). He wouldn’t sound weak or timid, he isn’t sounding demanding or enforcing either. He’s only communicating his wants/needs. She shouldn’t be hurt id he acknowledges hers too.
That said, are there specific skills required in such strong, effective yet respectful communication? There more to being assertive?
Assertiveness training – What does it offer?
Assertiveness training are programs or courses focused on altering human behavior patterns (depression, anxiety or even anger), all of which are often difficult to express. Training is also designed to enable people build confidence in themselves.
This type of training teaches people skills and strategies needed in identifying their wants, needs and desires, as well as acting on them. They are wide in approach and are applicable in almost all situations. work, academics, personal, informal… name it! Assertiveness training are applicable not in all, but in many situations.
Assertiveness training is part of improving communication in virtually every setting. Individual should not preclude the behavior of being assertive. Assertiveness comes with a better self-confidence, an improved understanding of one’s self, less anxiety.
What are assertive skills?
Having understood assertiveness training and the benefits so attached, one question is pertinent- what skills bring about the assertive behavior in an individual?
The skills needed in such effective communication are most important for physical communications (where you’re face to face with the person involved). And so with assertiveness training, you learn;
- An assertive use of words: This involves knowing what you want and having a strong will to request for it. The difference between what you want and what you don’t, should be clearly and cleverly differentiated.
Having known what you want differently from what you don’t, seek to express it. Else, you won’t have it. Note that, you’re not being demanding, you’re only stating your needs politely. (The use of empathetic phrases such as “Would you please?” is better)
- An assertive use of voice tones: You should sound as confident as you can be. You do this by slightly controlling your voice tones. For a confident tone, raise your voice a little louder than you feel on the inside.
Slightly deeper voices sound authoritative while talking at a much slower pace than normal, reflects a bit of intelligence on the part of the speaker. An individual who communicates rather slowly is believed to take thoughts on his words.
- An assertive use of body language: This part of the training focuses on position. What gesture is better used when communicating your feelings and rights? You don’t have to slouch or lean too forward. Straight is better! (Either while standing or sitting). You’re better active and alert this way.
Some tips, you don’t have to point your fingers as this can be perceived as an accusation people. Put your palms down while gesticulating. Be mindful of eye contacts too. Don’t stare too much and but maintain eye contact. You can learn to engage other person’s interest as well.
Being able to express yourself in clear terms can be fulfilling. It improve relationships! And so, you will feel you are getting your point across and you are not being ignored . Simply visit our website, free download tips on assertiveness, learn more on building assertive communication skills visit here for our free guide By and by, communicating with your little world of friends and family, gets better.
We can help you to acquire more effective interpersonal skills, you can attend one of our very popular public training courses, or train your employees at your location where we can also design a bespoke Interpersonal Skill Course. Simply visit the Taylor Mason Website for more details on registration. You’ll in no time, begin to communicate with so much confidence, charisma and competence.